I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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