Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
