Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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