Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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