North Korea, Best Korea!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
