its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
