So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
