He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
