wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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