After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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