I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
