i think i have herpe
just one?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
