you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
