It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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