fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
