I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
