I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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