My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
