You're completely useless in the revolution.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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