True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
