I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
