He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
