What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
