I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
