You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
