she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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