time to smoke my breakfast
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
