I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
