Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
