I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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