There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
