I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
