She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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