Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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