Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
