____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
