i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
