youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
