explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
