I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
