The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
