the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
