one might say we're banned from that church
I wish I only lived at night.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
