Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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