3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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