Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Randomize
