i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
