I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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