Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
