Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I skipped work to stalk him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
