if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
