we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
