I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How does one acquire holy water?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
