Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
