the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
