You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
