im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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