Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
