for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
a search helicopter?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
