i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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