woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm like, not good at living.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
